The Rev. Frank Logue
King of Peace Episcopal Church
Kingsland, Georgia
September 1, 2002

Losing Your Life to Find It
Matthew 16:21-27

I heard our Gospel reading for this morning in a broadcast on our local Christian radio station, WECC, about 2 months ago. An interviewer was speaking with Heather Mercer and Dayna Curry about their arrest and imprisonment by the Taliban government. Heather said that this reading from Matthew’s Gospel had a profound affect on her during her time in prison. Since hearing that interview, I read the two relief agency worker’s book about their ordeal. I want to share their story with you as an example of what it looks like to live out this Gospel. 

Heather and Dayna were accused of spreading Christianity in Afghanistan. It was a charge the two could not completely deny. Though they did not go out into the streets preaching in an effort to convert Muslims, they did share their faith. They followed the practice of trying to share God’s love with others in their work for Shelter Now International, a group that helped build wells and subsidize the cost for quality house construction. When the Muslims they encountered asked about Jesus, they answered their questions.  

Though they did not convert anyone, answering questions about Jesus led to sharing some printed materials about Jesus and showing a family “The Jesus Film” on a computer screen. The Jesus Film is a video created by Campus Crusade and translated into 758 languages and counting. The film has been viewed by more than 1 billion people. But in the case of Heather and Dayna, showing the film to one family led to their arrest, together with fellow Shelter Now workers. They were held in prison for months, awaiting trial and a possible death sentence.    

Heather wrote that after two months in prison, the bombing campaign against Afghanistan started. Prison life, combined with the stress of daily bombings caused her to lose hope. She writes that she “deteriorated emotionally” under the weight of the circumstances. She went on to say, 

“I faced a crucial decision: Either I could quit wrestling with God and trust him, or I could continue fighting against fear’s unyielding grip on my life and in the end surely die from the anxiety and grief.

I feared that if I gave God the power to decide whether I lived or died, then he would take my life from me. I was not certain God wanted me to live as badly as I did. In the end, the exhaustion served me well. I was too tired to keep wrestling. Though I could not see the way ahead, I chose to surrender to God. I gave up. I threw myself into God’s hands.

I wrote [in my journal]: ‘Lord, all I can do is throw myself in your hands and say have your way. I am utterly desperate and I can do nothing, so I put my life in your hands. By now I’ve gone numb. It’s as though I can’t take any more, so I just have to shut down. God, I trust you! Lord you’re my only hope. I resign now and ask for your grace to endure….Oh God, I want to live, but my life is in your hands. If I live, I live for you. If I die, I die for you. In the end, you are in control and you have the last word.”

My resignation released incredible freedom. The grip of fear began to loosen. I still struggled, but my spirits lifted and hope for my future returned. At times I even believed we might make it out alive. Even so, I ceased putting my hope in the end result of our crisis. My hope rested in the promise I had for eternity….Though the Taliban could imprison my body, they could no longer imprison my spirit. I experienced freedom within and I could go on.”[1]
 

On November 12, Dayna, Heather, and their fellow prisoners were loaded on a truck and driven south from Kabul. In the darkness well south of the city, their driver pulled over to consult with some other men. The came back and told them they had just slipped out of the city just 30 minutes before it fell to Northern Alliance forces.  

Heather started singing, “There is a light in the darkness and his name is Jesus.” Then by flashlight she opened a Bible and alternated between reading scripture and leading singing scripture songs. Heather, who had been the most fearful before she turned her life over to God was leading praise songs as they drove away from their hopes for freedom.[2] 

They slept in a shipping container in the middle of nowhere. The next day they reached a prison in Ghazni. Bombing persisted. When the gun shots came close Dayna peeked out the window to see Taliban running out into the street to join the fighting, leaving them locked in the prison. 

Heather wrote, 

Several minutes later, a violent banging sound reverberated in the corridor. Someone was pounding with tremendous force on the front door of the prison….This is it, I thought. The Taliban are angry and they are coming back to kill us. I swallowed hard, trying to gain my composure. I lay underneath the desk and prayed: “Jesus, help me to die gracefully. Help me to die honoring you. Let your name be the last word that crosses my lips.”
 

Dayna takes up the story, 

The pounding noise was overwhelming…Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Seconds later our door flung open. A scruffy, beardless man in ragtag clothing burst through the entrance. Rounds of ammunition were wrapped around his chest. In one hand he carried a rifle; in the other, what looked like a rocket launcher. His eyes were wide open; his hair was wild and coated in dust. He was panting and looked astonished to see us, a group of foreigners, there in the room at the Ghazni prison. 

‘Hello,’ he blurted out in English. That was the only English word he knew. Farsi came next. 

‘Aaazaad! Aaazaad!’ You’re free! You’re free! ‘Taliban raft.’ The Taliban have left. 

‘Rasti?’ Kati and I asked. Really? 

He assured us it was true. ‘Raft, raft, he said.” They fled. They fled.[3] 

They walked out into the street, carrying their few belongings with them. Heather wrote, 

“Eventually, we wended our way into the bazaar area and saw people emerging from their houses. Women stood uncovered in the doorways. Children came out to the street. Men, still holding their weapons shouted, ‘The Taliban just left. We’re free! We’re free!’ Drivers in cars honked their horns. We began to hear music playing. People clapped, waved, and laughed…. Walking through Ghazni was liking walking through a world turned upside down.”[4] 

Dayna wrote, 

“If we had been given our way, we would have been released from prison much sooner, but we would have missed this incredible experience. We were living out the very thing for which we had prayed. We were in the middle of it all.”[5] 

Heather, Dayna and their fellow aid workers were still a long way from home in a very unstable country. It took some negotiations to arrange for US troops to come in to pick them up. They wanted to arrange with local leaders for the pick up, but everyone wanted either a large sum of cash for the deal or feared that other leaders would think they had been bought off. In the end, the US Special Forces swept in to a pick up point by night, with no assurance that the local militia would hold their fire. 

Huge helicopter gunships thundered overhead making passes over the area, not seeming to see the group. The now freed aid workers lit a blanket on fire and waved it in the darkness. Shapes emerged out of the darkness as gear covered soldiers called out “Do you speak English?” 

The next thing they new, they were running toward a Chinook helicopter. Heather climbed into the helicopter. A soldier leaned down to be heard over the noise, “I want you to know that since your first day of captivity on August 3, my family and I have never stopped praying for you.” Another soldier approached Dayna, “I just want you to know that my family and I have been praying for you since the first day you were taken captive, and most of these guys in here have been praying too. It’s an honor for me to be on this operation and to be used by God to help get you guys out.”[6] 

The real freedom had arrived for Heather much sooner, on that day early in the US bombing campaign, when she gave her life back to God. Heather put her trust in God and experienced the release of the hold fear had on her life. 

Thankfully none of us face such a dire choice. Yet, each of us can find ourselves in the grip of fear. We don’t dare let God take control. We can’t trust God and let go of our hopes and desires. Yet, if we don’t let go, then God won’t be free to act in ways we could never foresee.  

Heather, Dayna and their fellow prisoners trusted God and found the results were more than they had asked for or imagined. Even if they died, then that too would have been to the best. It was only when they saw that whether they lived or they died, they were in God’s hands that they could really live. That deep trust when the situation said, “Don’t trust,” allowed the two to fall free from fear into the grip of grace. 

If you want to stay bound up in fear and uncertainty, you can stay that way. No one will stop you. But, if you want to find the way to peace, then you will have to lose your life. For losing you life is the only way to find it. 

Amen.