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The Rev. Frank Logue An Autobiography Written in Smiles Imagine that you are perched on the edge of a great void. Before you drops away suddenly with walls that dwarf those of the Grand Canyon. Take a small step and you will fall endlessly into the depths. This image is all too easy to bring to mind, as we this afternoon stand on the edge of something like an abyss. The depth of shock, sorrow and loss are so great, we could be consumed with questions, uncertainties and fears. The death of an infant seems to go against nature. It’s like spring giving way to winter instead of summer. The death of such a young life feels as unnatural as the tides coming to a standstill or the moon remaining just a sliver of light in the sky night after night after night on end. Parents should not bury their children, much less with grandparents and great grandparents gathered round as well. We gather in incomprehension, shock, or even anger. The great depths of the abyss stretch out before us. And yet, God stands with us on the edge of this great pit of despair. The psalm we read together tells of God presence no matter where we go. If I climb up to heaven, you are there; If I take the wings of the morning Even there your hand will lead me So even here, with a chasm of doubt an uncertainty stretched out before us, God’s right hand holds fast onto us lest we fall. If we stand this afternoon on the edge of a void, we have come to the right place. We are here at the altar where Natalie and Cory were married. We are here at the altar where they gave Laina back to God through her baptism. We are here at the altar where Laina has been brought again and again to receive God’s blessing. We are here at the altar where prayers have ascended every week of her life as we lifted Laina up to God. Yes, Laina was on the hearts and minds of this church and the rest of her family and friends from before she was born. Laina always had a fragile hold on life. During the pregnancy, doctors warned Natalie and Cory of the likelihood of Down’s syndrome and of the need for heart surgery about six months after her birth. As Laina was being knit together in Natalie’s womb, Natalie and Cory and I weighed the words from the doctor in this very room. And knowing that their daughter might not live through her first year, Natalie and Cory bravely faced that uncertain future with resolve and hope. Laina’s fragile life came into the world and there were concerns about eating and fears about her low weight. But Laina came home and became firmly rooted in the hearts of Natalie and Cory. And as her grandmother Melodie brought her to King of Peace she became fixed in the hearts of this church as well. All around town and everywhere she went, Laina’s sweet disposition and beautiful face with those dazzling eyes, drew people in. The story of Laina’s life is an autobiography written almost entirely of smiles. At the death of a child who never did any harm and only brought life and light wherever she went, we naturally ask “Why? Why Laina? Why now? Why?” And yet we knew. We always knew what a fragile hold she had on life. For a girl with such a sweet disposition, she had that natural inner light in a delicate vessel. Oh I don’t mean that she was flawed somehow. Of course there were health concerns, but who could look at her and call Laina anything but perfect? Yes she was fragile, in need of repair on a heart that seemed so perfect when you spent time with her. Her natural innocence and clear sense of joy and wonder came through. This innocence, joy and wonder are why Jesus used children as examples of how all of us should be. In our Gospel reading for today, Jesus’ disciples are arguing who is the greatest. Jesus answers by calling to him a child, “whom he put among them, and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
The photo of Laina (at right) reminds us all to well of the girl we have lost. Now we know that angels and angels, and people are people. When people die they do not become angels. But that is to use the word angel as it is used in the Bible to describe an order heavenly beings, who are not human. But the word “Angel” comes from the Greek “Angelos,” which also means “messenger” for angels are “Messengers of God.” In that sense we see Laina as a messenger from God. With her fragile life she came as a messenger from God bringing pure love and seeking only the love and care that Natalie, Cory and others were only glad to give. Laina is a reminder that each of us holds the gift of life as a treasure in a clay jar. Each of our lives is fragile and tentative. The certainty we have is that each of us will die. For the gift of life is something that we hold for only a short span of time. Compared to the length of eternity, even the longest of human lives is but a fleeting puff of wind. So the abyss of uncertainty is all around, created by the questions brought up by an all too short life taken from us so quickly. It has been a personal Good Friday for Natalie and Cory and the rest of us who cared deeply for Laina. But the grace in this personal Good Friday is seen in that original Good Friday. With the afternoon sky black as night, the Roman soldiers brought Jesus down from the cross to the waiting arms of his loving mother and the care of his admirers Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus. It looked that bleak day as if there was nothing more to be said about Jesus of Nazareth. His life full of promise had come to a tragic end. I was reminded of this scene in Jesus’ life as I saw Natalie and Cory cradling Laina in their arms as life passed out of her body with her final breaths. Is there any sorrow like that sorrow of a mother and father for their dead child? It is an unfathomably deep grief. But if we stand on the edge of a chasm, we do so while firmly planted on solid rock. The story of Jesus is not a story of life ending in tragic death. The story of Jesus is one of resurrection and eternal life. And Laina ’s own story too is not merely of an all too brief life ending in tragic death. Laina’s story is an eternal one, written on the heart of God while she was still being formed in her mother’s womb. This past Friday when she died was our Good Friday and today is Easter. A day for remembering Laina’s brief life in the light of the resurrection and the life eternal. Yes, the part of Laina we knew was all too fleeting. We wanted more. But Laina has passed from life through death to life. The rest of her story is still being written. To question why her life was so short is natural. But why don’t we wonder that she ever lived at all? For in those dark days of pregnancy when Natalie was learning of the vulnerability of the baby forming inside her, Natalie and Cory unflinchingly did all they knew to do to nourish the life and love growing inside her and they never looked back. And that life they that nourished and grew from such tentative beginnings has rewarded them so fully. Yes, there is pain and sorrow, but the pain and sorrow are so great because of the great love they have known and shared and they and we are better for the pain because we are better for the love and the two go hand in hand. We hurt because we love and we don’t want to end the hurt by never knowing love. The great tragedy would have been never knowing Laina. Here at this altar, Natalie and Cory pledged their love for one another. Here at this altar they committed the gift of Laina back to God as they offered her for baptism. And here at this altar they come with her mortal remains in the sure and certain hope that the story begun here has no ending. The life and love of Laina Phillips is a life eternal and a love undying. Like a perfect snowflake, unique in all the world, special in all creation, Laina’s life among us was short lived, but not tragic. The We avoided the great tragedy of never seeing her smile or being caught by the glint in her eyes. For Laina was a messenger from God, an angel whose story is written in God’s book and whose heart is written on our hearts. So we turn away from the chasm. We leave behind the depths of the abyss. We don’t have to wonder why Laina died—fragile gifts, like snowflakes, are not always with us as long as we want. But in her delicate hold on life, we saw the light of love all the much brighter. So we stand on the solid rock of knowledge of the life eternal, and standing on this rock we wonder at the miracle that we ever got to know her at all. We can turn our back on the depths knowing that God is even in those depths. We give thanks for this little messenger of God knowing that we will see her again. We choose to stand on this solid rock of resurrection faith giving thanks that we saw the face of Christ in the face of Laina Phillips. Amen.
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Then
Jesus added, “Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones;
for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my
Father in heaven.” We don’t doubt that Laina’s angel continually saw the
face of God in heaven. In fact, Laina seemed like an angel. That’s what
makes the cover of the bulletin for today both so appropriate and so
painful.
